Say high to horror
by frantastic
Summary: John Constantine jumpy after a lifetime of demons and his trigger happy pal Angela take a road trip to evilness. John's High School Reunion. CHAP 3!
1. Default Chapter

* * *

Title: Say High to Horror

Author: moi

Disclaimer: Despite repeated wishing I still do not own Constantine, Hellblazer, Warner Bros, or a boat no not even some sort of floating raft.

Rating: people swear, occult references (well it is Constantine), jokes followed by a drum going 'boom! Tish!', smoking( its bad for your health, did ya see the movie! Yikes), flashbacks to junior high (shudder). There may be punning.

Synopsis: John goes back to his high school reunion and hopefully zany things occur. I thought I take a break from 'serious'.

* * *

John was sweating profusely. The sweat making his $200 dollar shirt stick to his back like a sweaty wet shirt sticking to someone's back.

His shoes were fine. But he got them on sale anyway plus some gnomes owed him a favour.

A large dark package sat on his table. This table had seen many evil things pass it surface. Scarred from exorcisms and riddled with skid marks from John slamming some s.o.b of a demon across its face before deporting the bastard to hell it was on its last legs.

_God damn it Constantine. Get your shit together. You've faced fucked up Arch-angels, Lucifer and his family, the IRS! (apparently you can't claim $200 dollar shirts as a work expense)._

He could sense this powerful aura radiating from the package. How the hell it got past his doorway was a complete mystery to Constantine. The markings on his door should have barred something so overtly dark as the package that sat so innocently in front of him.

_How the hell did it get there. The post master not even speaking to me after tried to send a demon via express post._

" We'll send anything everywhere my arse."

Some powerful sinister force was at work, Constantine could feel it. This was no ordinary dilemma.

There was nothing to it. He would just have to call for back up.

John Constantine, THE GREAT John Constantine picked up his phone and began to dial a number only to be greeted by a repetitive _beep beep beeep your call could not be connected next time pay the bill you cheap bastard!_

He then put down the phone, cursed himself first in latin then English before heading out to the nearest payphone.

* * *

Dodson. Angela Dodson. Detective of the L.A Police Force. One mean mother in a fight, with an expert aim and a mean right hook. She had faced murders, drug lords, irate drivers who wanted no frickin' tickets and oh yeah hell itself.

Angela Dodson. Detective Angela Dodson was currently very, very pissed off.

The target of her wrath was a tall skinny man clothed in black with greasy dark hair slicked back attempting to smile charmingly while swinging a set of well-worn keys.

" I've got nothing to say I want a lawyer. Yeh Hear me bitch! I know my rights. I've watched t.v. Law and Order twice a week bab ARRRGGHHH". Toby was cut off from finishing his sentence by the careful application of one fluffy bunny slipper in his mouth.

"Look mister" fingers jabbing into bony flesh.

Angela leaned forward menacingly and then when she realized she was still in her bathrobe leaned back a bit but continued the prodding.

" Keep your jive talking to yourself. I got home from a 14hour shift covered in other peoples blood, yes blood, I haven't slept in 36 hours, and all I want is a nice warm bath. Get it warm not freezing. I swear that my rubber ducky has turned into a penguin."

"fdgdske skhske fskyfsueq"

Pulling the slipper put of his mouth, Angela fixed him her best 'i'm taking no shit look' which was a squint followed by a raised eyebrow. Which actually made a suspect more puzzled than afraid, but the gun strapped to her leg, and arm and elbow helped a lot.

" I'm going to count to three and if I don't…"

brrrinng bring ok I have no idea how to type a phone noise, any suggestions

"Crap" Angela turned to her phone, strapped to her other leg just as the poor landlord squirmed out of her hold and slammed his door shut.

Outside Anglea could hear the bolts being slide back and the high pitched giggle of a man who had just excaped death or the very least suffocation by fluffy bunny slippers. She could also hear a triumphant pumping of the fists followed by more giggling

"Jive talking hahahaha 24 hour hot water ohohohahahahahahah now that kills me"

Angela pulled the gun off her elbow and prepared to go into terminator mode when her phone rang again.

_This had better be good._

Fuming she marched upstairs to get dressed and strap on yet another gun. When it came to John Constantine it was always good to be prepared.

* * *

They get to school eventually!

* * *

Angela rushed up the stairs like a mad demonic dog was chasing her.

Bracing herself she slammed shoulder first into the flimsy door smashing it and startling a by now drenched in fear John Constantine.

She dived behind the couch and while shooting the hell out of the light fixture tackled John to the ground before throwing away her empty gun in disgust, pulled out another and shot all the legs off of the dinner table.

Only then did she notice that John was wearing funny shoes.

"I got them on sale. Hey do you think shirts like this one fall off the back of a truck?"

Rolling her eyes till they did a 360 Angela demanded to know what the big deal was that it couldn't wait till morning.

As bits of plaster wafted down covering John till he looked like someone suffering from a really bad case of dandruff; he shakingly pointed a finger towards the package which despite all the commotion and ammo flying was sitting intact on the table. Now with no space between it and the carpet.

Angela crept up towards the package and then realized it be better if she walked on her knees towards it.

It was surprisingly light and pretty innocuous looking. Brown paper tied with brown string devoid of any special markings except for the initials JK.

"Hey this isn't even for you" she cried out

John mopped his brow with some plaster.

"Look underneath that"

Turning the package Angela saw the words Busboy.

"oh yeah its for me Angela. I don't know what deal they made with the devil but they have finally found me."

"Who? Who has found you" Angela pleaded with her voice while her eyes eyed John's presumably working shower.

" The committee"

"Of demons hell bent on destroying the human race and bringing about death and destruction!"

"No" John shuddered displacing some plaster. " It's my High School alumni committee. They've found me".

* * *

Why is John so freaked out about a reunion? Will Angela finally get to wash her hair? Soon as I get some time I'll figure it out and write it down. In the meantime reviews would be welcomed. Happy reading and writing all. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2:

**I invite you to answer this: How many shirts does one man need?**

Previously in Say High to Horror:

BANG BANG AHHHH PLASTER EVERYWHERE!

John scared?

Brown package.

Angela needs to wash her hair.

FLUFFY SLIPPERS.

And……

"_Dear MR John Konstantine…"_

"John why is Constantine spelt with a K?"

" I'll explain later let me continue reading this out."

"… _On behalf of the Alumni committee of Idaho High, we with only slight regret and inducement cordially invite you to the class reunion of the class of '75'._

_Please do not bring your guitar."_

"Guitar?" Angela fixed John her 'I'm confused look' a squint followed by two raised eyebrows which just happened to look like her best 'I'm taking no shit look' a squint followed by one raised eyebrow.

"Shush. I want my moment reading this out in a dramatic moment filled with dread while a montage of us packing for the trip play out."

(Montage John approaches his cupboard with caution and the holy shot gun. A shirt falls out of nowhere and lands on him. John struggles in vain but the shirt winds its way tighter and tighter around his face before with an almighty pull he throws it across the room.)

Now Angela Dodson of the L.A.P.D, was not one to take orders or to be 'shushed' from anyone. But she did appreciate a good tense voiceover while images that would take up precious action time passed.

(" That's the last time I buy anything less than 100 cotton!"

**BAM**

Montage Angela shoots it and walks over to pick up the very ordinary shirt.

"John sometimes I think you may be a bit obsessed with cotton shirts and paranoid.")

_" We look forward, in terror, for your RVSP."_

Constantine breathed a sigh of relief that went much like this:

(sigh of relief)

"John what's that hand scrawl on the end?"

" PS."

"Angela!"

"Sorry John it's your voiceover."

(Montage John and Angela continue packing.

"Angela how did you pack so fast and get here in time to help me pack?"

"Simple John. In a montage the normal rules of time do not apply. And unlike you I do not require to pack 30 cotton shirts for what should be a short trip.")

" ahem anyway… _PS If you can't make it I'll assume you missed the bus (wink wink) all my love Baltimore esquire"._

"My god John."

(Montage Angela has just found John's Hawaiian shirt collection)

"No Angela just the President of the Alumni committee and my arch-nemeses"

"Nemesis"

"Yes that too"

" That can't be possible John. Even more arch than Gabriel the nutty ex-angel?"

" Yes even more arch than the ex arch angel."

(Montage John holds up a ripped white shirt while Montage Angela mouths 'No way'.)

"Even more arch than Balthazer who dared to match red socks with a suit"

(Montage John puts in some red socks in his ever increasing luggage. Which Montage Angela promptly takes back out.)

"Yes even more arch than my fashionable but evil punching bag"

"Even more arch than Mammon the son of the devil who tried to bring hell on earth?"

(Montage Angela shakes her head as Montage John holds up a shirt with the words "Exorcists do it better" blazed across it")

"Yes even more arch than the demon that tried to burst his way through my girl"

….….…. ...!

…..……. ...?

" Um Angela you are going to mention Lucifer father of all lies and despair? Angela Angela why are you hugging those Fluffy pink bunny slippers?"

"Oh John you called me 'your girl'"

(Montage Angela finds that Montage Johns owns a pair of Fluffy blue slippers)

"Yeah so I did so whooo oh put that gun down Angela"

(But the slippers happen to be a shoe eating demon. See John's not _always_ paranoid.)

" If I **AM** your girl why don't you ever kiss me you you you"

"Bastard?"

(Montage Angela kills John's demonically inclined fluffy blue slippers by setting her own fluffy pink bunny slippers on them. Montage John continues to sneak more shirts into his luggage.)

"Emotionally repressed, commitment phobic, tax dodging…"

"It's just never the appropriate moment and hey hey it costs money to look this good."

"John you wear the same suit everyday."

(Montage John has packed nothing but hundreds of shirts and more shirts. And yet somehow he will walk out of his apartment with one little bag)

"And yet you never smell. I mean even with the trips to hell and all that sulphur. And i know all that past smoking must have left a lingering ash aroma."

"Chalk it up to my mysterious powers".

"What, to see behind the veil of reality and to always smell faintly of lavender?"

(Montage Angela attempts to use John's new bathtub but finds that John did not pay the hot water bill.)

"It's a curse Angela a curse."

(Montage Angela spots his lavender 'guaranteed to wash off demon slime' body wash.

"And I thought John having a rubber ducky was weird".)

" John have you noticed that the packing montage is still going?"

(Montage John and Angela stop tugging at yet another shirt John wants to pack and looks around for their disembodied voices.)

"Yeah odd that."

"And why am I going with you to your class reunion?"

(Montage Angela and John put their hands on their hips.

"Yeah why?")

"So we can have zany adventures together?" An innocent look spreads across his face. The eyes grow round and large. Lashes flutter sweetly. Brown irises peer up towards Angela, which is pretty hard for John to do tall as he is.

As John is never innocent this fails to placate Angela.

" I'm a tough cop, you're an exorcist and part time bowling manager. We don't have zany adventures."

(Montage John does add in one non-shirt item. His holy bowling ball.)

" Because I want to make it up to you for all that non-kissing by taking you to a very special event for me."

"One that you have dreaded for years and even changed your name to avoid going too?"

"Figured that one out did you?"

" Will it's so simple and yet brilliant. People can still call you by your name and yet if they tried to find you in the phonebook they would get some other guy a Mr Konstantine instead of Mr Constantine."

(Montage Angela threatens to wack John with phonebook K-Z if he tries to include red socks.

"But they go with my gnome inspired shoes!")

" See you're so smart you have to come along and help me put an end to evil once and for all… barring sequels."

"I'm a cop John. I can detect bullshit. Plus I know how to shoot a man and not kill him. Most days."

(Montage Angela looks slightly apologetic for 'accidentally' shooting John's red socks)

" Ok I want you to go to my class reunion because I can't drive." Angela only heard "I can't drive" as John dived onto his couch to avoid his shadow that for a moment looked like something potentially spooky. Unfortunately the couch disappeared as it did sometimes when Chas wasn't sleeping on it.

"What! is that it?"

"Hey when you needed to go to hell who helped you?" John sarcastically retorted except it came out more like "oh god the pain, I think I broke my jaw ouch my back" because the couch which disappeared decided to reappear.

Angela grumbled a bit. And then her stomach grumbled a bit because Constantine nee Konstantine never had anything to eat.

" Will if you come closer I can thank you."

(Montage John and Angela pump their fists in triumph!)

"Not now Angela the packing montage has gone on long enough. To the Devil buster mobile!"

(Montage duo shake their heads and walk to a big black vehicle)

"You mean my SUV?"

"Well if you let me paint 'Devil busters" on it…. Yes the SUV!".

* * *

Will John get to paint Angela's car? What fate awaits our anti-hero and hero? And just how many shirts did John pack? For some answers and a lot more questions be prepared for more Say high to horror! 


	3. Chapter 3

Because you asked for it and well mainly cause I just wanted to really but thanks for all the reviews. Remember reviews make the world go around as well as the suns gravitational force or something maybe its magic or little elves on a treadmill.

xCR1MS0N-T3ARSx: LOL I agree more weird-ass action pack Constantine!

Salienne de Lioncourt: I promise next time more pink fluffy slippers ATTACK!

* * *

Chap 3: 

**An appropriate moment**

Previously in Say High to Horror:

Shirts, shirts and more shirts but no red socks for Johnny boy.

Fluffy pink bunny slippers can be taught to attack other slippers.

Konstantine, Constantine whatever it's not like he pays his phone bill.

----

You think with a detective's salary she could afford some air-conditioning. All this sweating is ruining my 3rd favourite white cotton shirt.

" John I can hear you".

_What?_

"You're thoughts."

_How is that possible?_

" I'm psychic remember."

_Damn. John figured he better stop talking in his head like this and…_

"John! Knock it off".

_Sorry. I mean _"Sorry".

"Well ok now that we are on our way maybe you could explain why an invite from your old high school makes you sweat worse than Father Hennessey taking the stairs."

"That's not fair Angela. Hennessey has lost a lot of weight lately."

"He's dead John."

" Hence the weight loss."

The ghost of father Hennessey was quietly enjoying the ride in the back when he heard this. He was so incensed that he decided he would go haunt someone else. Five minutes later Papa Midnite was only faintly surprised to find himself serving drinks to a dead man. But business was business.

" Good. I'm sick of ghosts following me around. Now all I have to do is to get Elvis to stop following me."

"JOHN!"

Constantine smiled a smile that would rival the love child of the Mona Lisa and the Cheshire cat. "Just kidding Angela".

"But you can see why Angela its just never an appropriate moment for me to drop my guard and…." John smacked his lips together making 'pop' 'pop' noises.

Angela squinted and raised both eyebrows."…..and start imitating a fish?"

"No get mushy and kiss you."

" Are you afraid if you get close to someone they'll end up like your other friends haunting you for all eternity?"

John sighed. Like this.

(sigh)

"Yes and the last time I kissed someone they ended up dead. I mean look at Chas.'

(Hello Chastine lovers who will be torn between giving me a high five and kicking me for saying Chas is dead)

"What!"

Constantine smiled again that smile that would rival the love child of the Mona Lisa and the Cheshire cat. "Just kidding Angela".

" So you can't kiss me because you fear if we get close and I die I will haunt you."

"Something like that. You see.." John turned off the car light and leaned back to symbolise his return to his shadowy world. And he knew he looked really cool talking with his face shrouded in shadows.

" DANGER follows me everywhere like a puppy dog that likes to be kicked."

"John that is the worse description of danger ever."

(Is it? Review and tell me)

"Really?"

"Yes. And if I die I promise not to haunt you because being close to you has brought me to danger."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'll just haunt you until you buy a new suit. And because you dragged me along to this reunion." Angela had just remembered that the invite had a one gun per body rule and a bizarre no slippers rule.

" Oh damn it". This is obviously a cleaned up version of what John said upon remembering that the invite didn't mention an open bar.

"So."

"So. There's absolutely nothing in this world to stop me from leaning over and kissing you."

This was the moment! John cleared his throat and checked that he still smelt like lavender. Angela patted her hair and checked her make up in the mirror. They turned to one another and AND AND

KAAAAAA CRASSSH!

The SUV unofficially the Demon Buster Mobile crashed head on with something on the road. Because obviously you should never try to kiss someone when on a road trip, especially if one of the people is driving.

"Angela?"

"Yes John?"

"Are we hanging upside down or did you just grow a really long fringe."

" Well I have been growing my hair. Thank you for noticing but yes we are hanging upside down."

" Is this an appropriate time now?"

" What am I Spiderman? No we better go see who we hit." Angela started to twist her way around and made for the car door.

" You mean what?

Wait a minute Angela I know those feet anywhere its its……"

(Who is it? Who would you like it to be? Should our demon-busting duo ever smooch? Why does John avoid explaining why he is so afraid of his reunion almost as much as he avoids kissing Angela? Tune in later!)


End file.
